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If I have some spare time and want to relax, I usually spend it watching Netflix or doing a face mask. I like it on occasion, but I can happily do without. But when some science-y types recommended masturbation breaks at work — as in wanking in the office during work hours — as a way to improve focus and be a happier, better employee, I was intrigued.

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I squatted and screwed a burned out light bulb into my ass. When I came I fell backwards and broke the light bulb. It took a lot of straining, digging and tearing to get the metal out of my ass.

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I was at a stand-up gig the other night when a woman in the audience approached me and said she'd "done something stupid". For most comedians, this usually means being told a 'hilarious' story about the time they put a whoopee cushion on Nanna's seat at Mass; or when they prank-called everyone in town and asked "Is your fridge running… yes? However, when someone comes up to me at a gig and says they've "done something stupid" it usually involves a sexual confession.

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You had a long day at work. You come home, kick off your shoes and speed-walk to the fridge. There you are: hungry, bordering on starving, in front a beautiful fully stocked fridge.

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Back inJim Levenstein from American Pie involuntarily inspired a generation. Teenagers all over the world were no longer content to use their hand to masturbate. Not even sitting on your left hand and making it numb sufficed any more.

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Sexy teen Sally Squirt going on a wild ride! Sally is in trouble! Snack Time With Janice Griffith. Fridge is empty so stepmom offers fuck for breakfast.

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